The Essentiality of Tea

That first morning cup.

It is part of clearly defined morning routine. Every day I clone the day before when I awake: a two minute parade of cats and newspapers and tasks done on autopilot. Buried in there is flicking on the electric kettle.

The first item that is not done on autopilot is the choice of tea.

What follows the thought “Hmmm, what to choose” is possibly the first non-automatic response of the morning. From there my day swims into focus, and I consider what must be done.

There’s not a lot of leeway after that, incidentally, as I usually get straight to work and do a few hours in front of the keyboard. The absorption of my first cup of tea and the best thinking I do for the entire day tend to coincide.

I was thinking about this, and I realised that the first cup of tea is more than just something I want. It’s something I need.

Lady Devotea’s day usually starts with a cuppa and the paper. For both of us; a cup of tea bridges the gap between sleep and away, between day and night.

It’s so ingrained that earlier today that when I got up about 3am because a report was on my mind, I refused to have a cup of tea. That would have been admitting that I was actually up for the day, and not just on a temporary leave of absence from my bed. I made a hot chocolate: it’s not tea, and therefore I’m was not officially up. And sure enough, I crawled back into bed a few hours later, for a 20 minute doze until viciously assaulted by some form of wild creature.*

So, I think we have defined that first tea as not so much a choice but a deep craving, a need to delineate the day and spark the brain.

It got me thinking: out of the 8-15 cups of tea that the average tea drinker has in a day** , how many are absolutely essential, and how many are just a nice use of five minutes?

So I’ve come up with a list of times when tea is essential. Not just desirable but absolutely mandatory.

Breakfast: Breakfast is a meal that consist of a cup of tea and endless possibilities. In its purest form it is a cup of tea, a piece of toast and another cup of tea, but you can always make it more special by adding some jam, eggs, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns (but only if you make them yourself from potatoes you cooked the night before), maybe some pancakes with honey or jam, a bagel, a little French toast, oatmeal, a French Style chocolate croissant, A Spanish style chocolate-covered chocolate croissant that makes the french things look like a supermarket choc chip biscuit, perhaps a little juice and some more tea. The only essential component is one cup of tea.

Commuting: The rule of thumb is one cup of tea for every 45 minutes of commute, bearing in mind you might have to plan for the obvious effects on your bladder. A thermos flask is considered being well prepared; one of those astronaut nappies is a little over the top***.

Morning tea at the office: If you work in an office; you have a duty to not only make a pot for your morning tea, but to offer it around. And everyone in your office needs to know that this event is happening. Remember, coffee is a beverage, but tea is an EVENT!

Afternoon tea at the office: Refer to point above.

Swanky Afternoon Tea: Now, no-one is suggesting that you have a full-on afternoon tea every day, but realistically, once a week minimum. This needs to be an event where coffee drinking is frowned on, chocolatists looked at with pity and Diet Coke drinkers beaten with sticks. (Hint: If you are in the USA, you can substitute was passes for scones there as a beating implement.)

Lunch and Dinner: I might surprise some people here, but a cup of tea only goes with about 85% of meals, so you need to use some judgement here. If it’s a choice between Chinese and a lovely jasmine tea, or a kebab washed down with coke, then you need to examine your conscience and do the right thing.

Evening Cuppa: If at home watching TV, it’s easy: one mid-evening and consider a small one before retiring. If you are at a function, then just use the tea making implements you have taken with you to make one there (DO NOT accept their filthy teab*gs). If you are out somewhere that actually serves good tea, raise a cup to those less fortunate than you, for example, those who are staying in 5 star hotels and getting 1 star tea.

If it’s not a weekday, consider these times:

Continuous DIY for 60 minutes: If you’ve been hanging a gate, concreting a path or anything remotely DIYish, you require a cuppa. Stop and drink it. It will improve your performance. If you skip the cuppa and bash your thumb with a hammer, you’ll feel like an idiot.

Gardening: Gardening requires the same tea input as DIY.

Car travel: Same rules as commuting, except take biscuits with you as well.

Playing sport: It’s best to play cricket. That way the tea breaks are built-in.

Visiting Family: If your family fails to live up to your high standards, then let them know you are bringing the tea making gear and their lives will be immeasurably enriched for the experience.

At a Wine Tasting: This is an absolutely ESSENTIAL time to be wandering around with a lovely Margaret’s Hope First Flush or a Delicate Chun Mee. Look at the wine drinkers with pity and use phrases like “So it’s essentially stale, bottled grape juice that’s gone off, then?”. Trust me, it’s the number one event to drink tea at. And because a carful of people will no doubt be relying on you to drive them home, they can’t even be rude back.

I’m sure I could add another 20 essential cup occasions, but I’m thirsty, so I’ll toddle off for Sunday breakfast. Best dig out my favourite tea cozy, this could be a long session.

*A cat poked my head as it wanted to be let out

** Assuming the "average tea drinker" is me

***Unless you are an astronaut.