Why Saying “I Don’t Like Tea” Makes You Seem A Bit Stupid

As I write this, I am seated at my desk and Jango.com is providing “We Are The Champions” for my listening pleasure- and indeed, what a pleasure it is.

As Lady Devotea, both Devotea Juniors, and others who know my musical taste well – or at least as well as jango.com does – can attest,  I really like music from the 1970s.

“A-ha* you might say. “I don’t think that can be right.”

(NOTE: At this juncture, I should point out that “you” would only say these things if you are an argumentative pedant with an axe to grind, which really does not describe my readers. Well, maybe one or two.)

And you might continue…

“Do you mean the heavy Birmingham metal that kicked off the 70s? Or ABBA who dominated the charts ’74-80? The prog rock bands like Genesis** or Pink Floyd? The orchestrated pop of ELO? The first stirrings of electropop thanks to Tubeway Army? The pulsing disco beat of the BeeGees? The folky stuff with flutes and such? The brief punk explosion? The semi-countrified West Coast US sound of The Eagles? Neil Diamond’s Hot August Night? Four different kinds of David Bowie? Kiss Alive? The War Of The Worlds or Tubular Bells? Soul or even soul revival? Steely Dan or Stevie Wonder or Talking Heads or The Clash or Santana? YOU CAN’T JUST SAY 70s MUSIC WITHOUT SPECIFYING QUEEN, QUATRO OR Q-TIPS!”

At this point, you might need to breathe.

I can see your argument, but as it happens, I’m very fond of every single band, musician or style on that list. So, I don’t think you’ve really scored a point there.

You get your breath back, and squeak out “Ca Plane Pour Moi”

Ah, yes. You’ve got me there. Plastic Bertrand, 1978. Worldwide hit. From Belgium, in French. And quite appalling.

But wait… I said I love 70s music, not I love every single song of the 70s.

So, let’s turn that around.

Let’s assume the only song you’ve ever heard for the 1970s was “Ca Plane Pour Moi”. Would you automatically refuse to listen to any other songs of that era, and assume that every one was as flavourless and manufactured as that one?

Anyone who did so, and proudly proclaimed it, would seem a bit of a dunce, really.

What should be obvious to anyone who thinks about it for more than five seconds is that the teaba*g is the Plastic Bertrand of the tea world. Quite simply, it’s rubbish.

And yet there are millions of people, having only ever tried tea using bags, who proclaim “I don’t like tea”.

These people are basically at the same level of the members of the Plastic Bertrand fan club. They deserve your pity, your help, perhaps a smidgeon of your contempt.

What they need, however, is a taste from your teapot.

*I just slipped the name of an 80s band in there to mess with you

** REAL Genesis, with Peter Gabriel as lead vocals, not that bald git