Shannon’s Kitchen Has Balls

Today I’m going to share with you my favourite food blogger.

Shannon blogs about healthy food…theoretically.

Let’s back up and talk about me. Of course.

When I started this blog, I knew I was going to give myself permission to discuss anything I damn well wanted. Sure, I had to work tea into every post, but that hasn’t stopped me from discussing tea workers conditions, Shakespeare, slavery, sex and the evils of Morris dancing. Obviously not in the same post.

And though I’ve posted nearly 300 posts here and a few on Beasts of Brewdom, I’ve not ever sworn. Not even when I called out the guy who was blackmailing tea companies by writing bad reviews then offering to take them down for money.

Why? Am I unfailingly polite in real life? Not in the least. My language can be saltier than a bottle of Dutch liquorice that’s fallen into the sea.

And there we have it: I use metaphors, similes, inferences, implication and other fancy linguistic devices as an alternative.

And now, reading Shannon’s work, I realise quite belatedly that I may have made a mistake.

Because Shannon’s Kitchen’s blog does not refrain from swearing. In fact, Shannon swears like a sailor who has just had an unexpected peanut brittle enema.

But what I love about Shannon’s blog is she uses all the same linguistic tricks I use – after all, that’s hardly novel – but works every offensive word and concept you can think of into every sentence as often as humanly possible.

Here a great title. It’s one of her mildest titles, and the first of her posts I ever read: THE PHENOMENON OF TOSS-BAGGERY IN HEALTHY EATING: HOW TO SPOT A FOOD-DICKHEAD

You can read that later, because I haven’t got to my legendarily elusive point yet.

You might wonder why two bloggers who can be just as potty-mouthed in real life have taken two different roads: one (myself) the epitomé of literary refinement and one (Shannon) sounding like Gordon Ramsey being played by a drunken Mel Gibson in a Tarantino film?

Here’s a clue:

In a facebook exchange with Shannon, she posted this about this blog: (note I’ve politely semi-asterisked out the swearwords, so you’ll have to work out for yourself what they are.)

you know a WHOLE lot of sh*t about tea! And f*ck me, I use teab*gs most of the time

And there we have it! Proven beyond a doubt using the Singular Anecdotal Model so beloved of homoeopaths, anti-vaxxers and Dr Oz, positive proof that the only thing that stops my blog and all those of my fellow tea bloggers from being curse-laden angerfests is loose leaf tea.

If I can convince Shannon to drink loose leaf, the world may lose a very funny blogger, but hey, it’s a matter of principle.

Oh, and if you were wondering about the title of today’s post, here’s what I mean: