Genesis of a rant: What set me off

My last post (Café Quackery)  was, to put it mildly, unkind to certain café operators. In fact, I treated them with disrespect and contempt – mainly as they treated me in the same vein, by serving me tea bags, or attempting to.

Several of my readers have contacted me and asked if the post was set off by one particular experience, or an accumulation of frustration, and the answer is “both”.

The straw that broke the camel’s back is an experience I had last week. I’m going to name the café, though a more correct term than café might be “sheltered workshop for the congenitally lazy”. It’s called “Dome Espresso” and it’s in Glenelg, Soutb Australia. Checking the internet, perhaps it’s “Dome Expresso”. Between their various branches, they don’t seem too sure online.

It’s at the end of Jetty Road, one of our more famous tourist precincts. It’s within 100 metres of perhaps 30 eating places. Tough competition at times I imagine. You think they’d make an effort.

I was wandering around on a lovely day with Mrs Devotea. We were at that stage where one of us wanted brunch and one a snack, one a hot beverage and one a cold one. So none of the multitudinous choices really appealed.

And then I saw the sign. “19 whole leaf teas”

So, time to check this place out.

We headed to the window and looked over the menu. One of items was “Healthy Knickerbocker Glory’

For those of you who don’t know your basic knickerbocker glory looks like this.

Now, the one the menu was ‘healthy’, so instead of ice cream and cream, it was yoghurt, along with a selection of fruits.

So inwards, teawards and bound for Knickerbocker Glory we went.

It was one of those places where you order at the counter, then take a number.

The first sign of trouble was at the counter.

I tried to talk to the terminally disinterested person behind the counter about the tea. Mrs Devotea had ordered an “Organic Darjeeling”, I’d ordered a “White Orchard”. But before I explain what this is, I changed my mind when I saw a “Chocolate Mint Truffle” described as ” an intoxicating blend of chocolate cacao nibs, mint and rooibos leaves”. I mean, who could resist. But then I changed it back.

To overcome my indecisiveness, I asked to see the tins from the shelf behind, the theory being a quick sample of the aroma would help me decide. The server de jour looked confused, but handed over the tins. When I opened them I could see why, they were full of sachets, like those ones Pickwick make, feels like a kind of laminated paper. No aroma here.

“Wait” I said. “Why are these tea bags?” the sign says  “Loose Leaf”

“It’s loose leaf tea in a silk bag” was the reply.

I know, I should have walked. But we were hungry and thirsty, there were people queued behind, and Mrs Devotea was halfway up the stairs top the balcony. So I let it slide.

So, let’s call it right now as my mistake. Whilst the Sign said “Whole leaf” and I read it as “Loose leaf”, it was obvious to me right then that I was being conned and I should walk away. But I didn’t.

Upstairs we go. The view from the balcony was lovely.

First sign of trouble. Mrs Devotea said to me “They didn’t ask about milk”. We figured they’d probably just assume and bring it. Most places do. I’m forever sending unwanted jugs of milk back when I’m by myself.

The server arrive with two takeaway cups. WHAT? We’re dining in. She hurriedly explained that the cups have a special lid to “strain the bag” (it’s a slit) and that the tag on “the silk tea pouch” (which of course is a nylon tea bag) has instructions for the length of time to steep. As indeed, it did. I set a timer. Of course, I had to guess how long it had been brewing, as that information was not volunteered.

There is no sugar on the table, and no milk had arrived. Mrs Devotea requires both.

I spotted a “help yourself to sugar and stuff” stand at the other end of the café, and headed towards it, pausing to flag done a staff member and request milk.

We were yet to taste any tea, the food has not arrived yet – obviously they are still layering all that lovely fruit and yoghurt, but it’s not going overly well so far.

I’ve since done my research of both “whole leaf” and “loose leaf”. In my opinion, offering “whole leaf” and serving it in bags – even if you refuse to admit it is a bag- is damn close to fraud. But the problem is, it’s damn close but it probably isn’t.

And

Incidentally, why the takeaway cups? We’ll never know. I started making a list “they are lazy, they don’t care” etc. and then that turned into my previous post.

It didn’t help that both beverages were not up to scratch. Mine was an uncomfortable blend of flavours, and the Darjeeling was insipid (I tried it pre-milk and sugar, of course).

Then the food arrived. Another server slapped down two plastic tubs with yoghurt in them. Some fruit – not much- had been cut up and dispersed throughout the yoghurt. It looked like this picture, except it was half full and the spoon was plastic.

If you look carefully at the two pictures you may spot some subtle differences!

So, let’s recap. Uninterested staff. Takeaway containers. Poor service. Horrible tea. Complete misrepresentation, in my opinion. Even if you don’t believe that “Whole Leaf tea” at least implies that the tea is loose, you’d be very hard pressed to defend serving the crap they served up as “Knickerbocker Glory”

In some places, the decision to provide you with a tea bag is an afterthought. My favourite Mongolian restaurant has magnificent food and rank tea-bags to finish. You think they’d know better.

But some places come up with a fancy design, have  a menu written by a marketing guru, and then fail to make any effort at all.

The great news is that we are heading into an era where such businesses will quickly fade.

I hope this place changes tomorrow. I hope they change the tea, change the staff, change the food and change the attitude, It’s what they need to do to survive. If they don’t. I hope they never take another cent across the counter from the unsuspecting public. These days, sites like Foursquare and Google should ensure that this is so.

Tea lovers, it’s time to take back the streets. Like that famous movie quote “We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it any more”.