Dancing the cha-cha

Whilst on this sojourn; I have probably decided to blog more than my “once a week”, twice if I feel like it” usual regime. If limited connectivity allows me to. That’s because I hope I have new things to say, and like all my blog entries; they have a connection to tea.

Luckily, tea in Thailand is an interesting subject. When I ask for it, I was getting the same blank looks, followed by a slow dawning realisation what I wanted, and then they would tell me they have none, or they have bags. But then I learnt the local word – It’s ‘cha’, same as it is Chinese. This saves time; they cut right to the bit where they tell me they have none.

Of course, in places westerners haunt, you can get the ubiquitous “Lipton Yellow Label” tea bags, or surprisingly frequently here, Twinnings Darjeeling tea bags. Given that “Darjeeling” seems to be the hardest foreign word for any Thai to comprehend or even repeat, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s the purple box. It’s a delightful colour and they appreciate colour here with a joy that makes most western cultures look very drab.

So, let’s cut to Day 1, about 4pm. We’ve arrived, checked in, walked a little of Patong Beach, randomly wandered down some street that in our naivety seemed like the red light district due to the high number of propositions received, enjoyed a banana crepe with coconut from a roadside vendor and returned for our tradition holiday restorative in the afternoon. Abandoning Lady Devotea to a short rest, I decide to take a short trip, over a short timeframe, to complete the short process of buying some loose leaf tea, which is a short task that should take a very short time.

You see, I had planned this carefully. Packing twin infusers as a backup; I had decided that upon arrival I would buy a few packets of loose leaf tea, and a small china teapot, and then much tea could be had by all. I’d planned to get some of the famous Thai Blue tea – an oolong- but I’d settle for a few packets of supermarket-grade loose leaf as a starter if that proved elusive, and I could always use the infusers at first if I had to.

So, back to this short trip. I decided to head east from the hotel; along the lines of the Tsunami Evacuation Plan, which from the diagrams on the signs, is to run toward the hills and away from the sea. As I leave the gate I can see EDEN MINI MART two doors up, so it looks like I’m in luck; if not I’ll just walk around the block.

Firstly, it turns out that a walk around the block in that direction goes for a very long way. And along that way, there are 5 convenience stores.

So back to Eden Mini-mart. Next to a bag that proudly proclaims “Robusta Coffee” – as if that’s not shudderworthy enough – is a pile of – you guessed it -Lipton Yellow Label bags. I mimed “I want tea like this but not in bags”. The lady gave me the sort of smile you give a delusional madman or mildly rabid dog and shook her head.

Maybe it’s the way I mime ‘em.

Onwards and upwards, old chap, and soon I found my way to “Deli Catess”. After failing to find the front door, I went around the side, was ushered through a family meal and into the shop. Finding the pile of goods consisting of a bunch of different Nescafe instant coffees, and – if that wasn’t enough to make you shudder – packets of disgusting, revolting, appalling civilisation-destroying good-taste-shattering “creamer”, I found a  small red box with Confucius on the front. In cartoon form, looking pleased with himself.

I shook it. It sounded like tea!

I asked the lovely lady-in-charge. “What is this?” I helpfully pointed at the Lipton Gold Label and did another mime. She encouraged this madness by saying a dozen words that I couldn’t understand, with both “yes” and “no” in there somewhere. After a few minutes of this lively repartee, she decided to solve the problem by opening the box. That took some wrestling with scissors (her and the box, not one-on-one combat with myself) and it was open. It contained a waxed bag, and by all that is wonderful, it looked quite like tea, and I could further narrow it down to maybe an oolong, or black, or green.

I purchased this possible treasure for a few cents, and then, as I left, she mimed something which may have been “this tea is delicious” but I felt was more like “you have just bought a Chinese herbal cure for constipation”. I decided that, one possible tea in hand, I would find another.

Shop Three was unremarkable, and only had Lipton Yellow Label. Shop 4 was the same. By this time, I was swearing at that irrepressible Irishman Tommy Lipton; though he died several centuries ago.

Shop Five was interesting. The front table contained bananas, cucumbers and zucchini. I briefly wondered about the symbology, but then noted a large ginger cat, sound asleep. On the produce tables, behind the bananas.

I ventured in, and located the rather large coffee section. This was a Muslim shop, near a mosque, so I imagined coffee was the order of the day. It was also just down from a lovely Buddhist shrine. Surely that would help?

I found a green box, a bit like the red box, but with Thai writing. I looked at the tiny writing on the tiny box in the dim light, and could make out two English words – “Jasmine tea”.

YES! High-fiving the hijab-clad shop lady (obviously that is sheer poetic licence, I did no such thing) I rewarded her efforts by purchasing the tea, a strawberry Fanta and a Lipton iced peach tea – I may have been a little delirious at that point.

Back at the hotel, I looked over both boxes. The Chinese one was still inscrutable; but the little green one actually had a few English paragraphs, carved by leprechauns in 4 point type. Slowly and squintingly, I discovered what I had. It is a Thai Raming Organic tea (colour nor specified) mixed with Thai jasmine flowers, which are allegedly more delicate that non-Thai ones.

I steeped a little of each to check. The Thai jasmine was OK, the Chinese one was cheap Pu-erh, of all things. Cheap and revolting and stale – it tasted like really old tea with no redeeming features, which is a reasonable description of most of the Pu-erh I’ve tasted.

The Jasmine did not fit in the infuser, so I just chucked the leaves in the cup, and fished them out after steeping. Both Lady Devotea and I drank a restorative cup. It’s got a really sweet jasmine finish, and I think it’s an oolong. As I mentioned, the first steep is OK.

Since then, I’ve drunk it a few times. The leaves get much better after one steep and hold on for five; no problems.

In the last 24 hours, I’ve learnt to fossick through the tea cupboards at cafes, they often have a long-forgotten box of this at the back; which they have no idea how to make, but we get through.

I’m in the tropics, there is so much to see and do; and I have tea. All is right with the world, for a few minutes at a time