Let’s Take Tea In The Parlour

The best place to take tea is often in your own parlour, with friends.

Despite this, few modern homes have a parlour. And you have to ask why. Or not merely ask, but demand to know.

There are rooms for cooking in, rooms for eating in, rooms for sleeping in, rooms for watching TV in. Are any of these things more important than drinking tea? It’s doubtful.

Having a parlour used to be a sign of status. Back when most of the (Western) population lived in one or two rooms, the idea of a room to chat and have tea in was an indulgence. And there’s nothing like an indulgence to put the neighbours noses out of joint, which is no doubt the reason for the popularity of the concept.

The room itself is named after the rooms where Christian monks, who had taken a vow of silence used to be permitted to speak (in mediaeval times).

The word ‘parlour’ itself comes from the French “parloir’ (to speak). Any decent French word was sucked into English a long time ago, which makes me wonder why people bother speaking it at all these days. I know it’s all soft and fluffy – it sounds like a baby bunny snoring,  assuming it’s coming from a Cabaret singer between songs and not a cabbie in Paris you’ve just cut off – but it’s a waste of time.

Anyway, let’s get straight to the point. Ask yourself: have I got a parlour? And if not, why not?

All you need is a room, some nice furniture and some tea ware. It’s not hard!

So, here’s a picture of Lady Devotea’s parlour. You’ll see all the essentials – nice seating, a table for one’s tea, and in this case, not one but two tea trolleys. Not in the picture due to the angle is a parlour palm* and a china cabinet full of tea cups.

An ideal parlour should have a number of other features.

It needs easy access to the kitchen. In this case, the photo is taken from the kitchen.

It needs a degree of privacy.

It needs to be comfortable enough to sit in for hours.

And here’s the big one: it needs to be far enough from your front door that if you are halfway through a brilliant gossip session with friends and your family turn up, you can sit still and pretend not to be home until they leave.

So, what do you do if you haven’t got one? Get one.

The easiest way is to re-purpose a room or two. Let’s suppose you have six children and four bedrooms. You don’t want to be re-purposing your own bedroom, so I’d recommend shifting all the kids into one room,. We know from The Waltons that this is a good idea. Then, knock down a wall and turn two bedrooms into a magnificent parlour.

Or perhaps – and I’m speaking to my female readers here – you have a husband or partner who has a “man-cave”, a billiards room, a bar or some other such folly in the actual house, instead of in a garage where it should be. It’s time for the sports memorabilia to come down and the William Morris wallpaper to go up. And the answer to “but I like to relax in my man-cave/model railway room/ billiards room/tiki bar” is easiliy dealt with by saying “you don’t have time, I want these chandeliers installed today.”

Extending the house is also another option.

Going to a tea room is basically renting a slice of someone else’s parlour. It’s OK, but it’s also a reminder that you deserve this all the time, not just when you go out.

So really, there is no excuse for not having a parlour.  And if Lady D and I were to visit you, we’d find it hard to hide our disappointment if we were not quickly shown to a room where tea and talk where the only functions.

*a parlour palm is essential.  Obviously.