She Blows Hot and Cold*

I’m pretty observant. For a male, that is.

Also, I like to think I can consider all sides to an issue, before I decide who is sweetly innocent and who needs to be tased.

So, let’s talk about Princes.

Even today, it’s permissible for a little girl, growing up in the Western world, to dream of marrying a Prince. In fact, if the price is to kiss a frog, it’s still seen as a good deal.

In Thailand, the dream is much the same: a huge elevation in social status and wealth. Wealth that can support one’s family and help ease their burden, a la Cinderella.

Pretty well the only difference is that the Princes in question aren’t handsome sword-carrying aristocrats, they’re fat, balding middle aged Australians, Germans and Russians; the castle is more modest and the wealth – well, the average Thai monthly wage buys dinner for four in Sydney.

I’ve got nothing against fat, balding middle-aged Australians for three obvious reasons – I encourage them to get a hat, though – but quite frankly, it gives me the creeps to see this in action.

I’m sure some of these people are very happy, but I’d question the percentage.

So, back to Thip Coffee.

Where?

Thip Coffee is a little room behind the Phuket Graceland resort. It gleams with cleanliness, has wonderful staff (one at a time, it’s tiny) and was the scene of a revelation.

I walked in at 7am. It was hot. I was looking for a newspaper. Not big on newspapers, Thailand. But Lady Devotea likes to start the day with one.

I could see the teabags. decided against. Then I looked at their iced tea range.

I had noticed that there was a fair bit of iced tea on offer around beverage places. My eyes alighted on “Iced Black Milk Tea”, “Iced Green Tea JP” and “Iced Lemon Tea”.

With my allergies, lemon was out. I asked what the ‘JP’ stood for, and was told “Japan”.

WARNING: I must caution regular readers to be sitting down for the next bit.

I ordered the “Iced Green Tea JP”.

“WHAT?”, you exclaim. ” You are the world’s biggest hater of Japanese teas.”

I agree.

I honestly can’t explain what came over me.

Here’s what arrived, pictured with a newspaper I later either bought or stole.

The little jug is filled with palm sugar syrup.

It was FANTASTIC! The bitter Japanese green was fixed by a dash of the syrup; it was ice-cold, the air-conditioning was great and the tea man was singing along to Thai songs on the radio behind the counter. It was my moment of tranquil Nirvana.

Enter three Australian Princes.

However, these guys had not decided to marry local princesses. Instead, they had decided to rent them. And in what might be seen as a parting gesture, were buying them coffee “the morning after”.

Yes, the Ladies of Negotiable Affection** were getting a bonus coffee.

I have no problem whatsoever with prostitution as a concept. I have a massive problem with it being illegal anywhere, when it could be safe and regulated.

But I don’t understand why someone would travel to another land, another culture with such a purpose in mind. It’s exactly the same as people who travel overseas to buy designer goods – what’s the point of being somewhere else if you are buying goods you can buy in your homeland?

Of course, if the reason is infidelity, then it’s time to get the taser out. If it’s worse, then I have no words for the justice that needs meting out.

Over the tea, I saw the Australians buy their coffees and their companions sip milky iced tea.

Milky iced tea?

Now it’s true that on Day 2, I had visited this ice-cream shop, and for 20 baht, bought tea and banana icecream, which tasted exactly like banana ice cream that had Lipton Yellow Label teabags in it. I have to admit, it was rather delicious.

I was starting to get the picture that Thais put more effort into iced teas, and usually iced teas with milk.

That night in a beachfront eatery, I had iced green tea with honey and ginger.

Clearly, I am enjoying it in the picture.

Later in the week, I returned to Thip Coffee twice with Lady Devotea. I tried the Iced Black Tea (No Milk, Please) and Lady D had the Lemon Iced tea.

“Aroy mak krup” I said to the tea purveyor, thanks to my Star Trek -like translator gadget. (Actually it’s my Galaxy-S Android phone with “Learn Thai” app).

He beamed. It was, in fact, “very delicious”.

I tried the iced tea in quite a few places during the week, and it was nearly always good, even when made with tea powder and milk – yes, really.

Mid-week we started buying locally made bottled iced tea.

Even the Lipton Ice peach seemed to taste better there, but this brand was something special.

“Tea Break” iced tea offered three ‘typical’ English tea flavours – ‘Milky Tea’, ‘Straight Tea’ and ‘White Grape and Mint”.

Now I’m not sure that The Queen often sits down to a White Grape and Mint tea, but is was also delicious. It became Lady D’s favourite.

I tried the “Straight Tea” and found it to be straight tea – with a bucket of sugar in it. Shamefully, I went through about half a dozen bottles of the stuff over the week. It is simply better than bottled iced tea should be, because it tastes like – tea.

The milky one was OK, but not as good as Nestle Bear Brand Evaporated Milk with White Tea” as mentioned in a prior post.

Iced tea in Thailand really is something special. With the exception of “True Coffee”, which inhabits half a Subway at the back of JungCeylon and charges western prices for a tiny, ice-filled plastic cup of crap, every cup was sensational.

This is my last post on Thailand for this trip, and there’s a lot in it. And we’re putting together a project that might well see us back there.

So, to recap – Hot tea indifferent or missing, iced tea, even bottled was a revelation. And I enjoyed a Japanese tea, which should send shock waves through certain quarters.

An amazing 9 days in an amazing place.

I’ll finish with a photo of a welcome home gift from Lady Devotea’s sister.

Yes, it’s Buddha. He’s been such a great contributor to my Thaland posts.

And what’s in that shot glass in front of him?

Daintree, of course.

Welcome to Australia!

———————————————————-

Notes:

* My other blog uses only Queen songs as titles. The use of “She Blows Hot & Cold” (A Freddie Mercury solo track title) refers to the tea, of course. What were you thinking?

** “Ladies of Negotiable Affection” is a term I picked up from Terry Pratchett’s brilliant Discworld series.