Taking Tea with The Buddha

Forgive the fact that this blog actually follows on from the one I will probably write next. I’ve been working a new one up all day in my head, and then inspiration strikes and these words and thoughts come tumbling out.

There’s a reason for that. And as the old saying goes, it’s in the lap of the gods.

The first God to make it to this tale is probably the oldest there is – Azura Mazda.

Last night we wandered and found a Persian restaurant, here in Phuket. We were the only customers.  Our Persian host and his delightful Thai wife between them had little English, and with a long exchange of broken English and on a table replete with a reproduction of a 521BC Faroshta – the Zoroastrian sculptural representation of Azura Mazda – we dined.

While our hosts lived up to the creed of ancient beliefs and the usual Thai hospitality; they did poison me.

Not on purpose, and mainly due to language issues, but at some point during that wonderful delicious generous flavour-packed meal, I absorbed some migraine-spawning lime, lemon or orange.

Cut to 5.a.m. Woke up babbling (think “Rain Man”). Convinced myself to get up, took two cups of Organic Raming Jasmine – even when diminished mentally I have standards – a bottle of water, two aspirin/codeine tablets and a Maxtor wafer. Then crashed.

Cut to 7.a.m. Woke up babbling still. Drank more tea. Forced myself up and about. Had a shower. Decided a needed a “mission” – a task to focus on to distract from the migraine.

Luckily, I had two missions up my sleeve.

The first was to put an end to the infernal ‘creamer’ debacle and by some actual milk for Lady Devotea‘s morning cuppa.

The second was a bit more esoteric.

My campaign to buy good loose leaf tea took a further blow yesterday – that’s the blog I was supposed to be writing – and as a result, I decided to make an offering of two boxes of surplus tea at the shrine to Buddha on the corner. Hopefully, this will result in divine intervention in my tea quest.

A nice last note here as I set out with hat, wallet and tea was that Lady D suggested that I talk along the Walkman MP3 player and listen to music to attempt to soothe my head.

So, to the accompaniment of the incredible Adele, I sauntered off.

Five minutes later, I am the shrine. I decide to watch the lady who is there, and see what she does. She wandered this way and that, lighting candles and incense. It started to wash over me.

Here’s a basic photo from my phone of this amazing place.

I see figures, thousands of them. Horses, and so, so many elephants. From tiny to wonderfully carved.  A few lions here and there.

But what attracts me is the offerings.

Now, I’m an atheist and I believe that religion is basically delusion. I further believe that, on balance, it’s a harmful delusion; whether it be used as reason to kill, torture or oppress people (the Abrahamic religions are right in firing line there) or to take people’s money (Kabbalah, Benny Hinn etc).

I have no real problems with Zoroastrianism, Bah’ai , Hare Krishna or most of mainstream Hinduism, or the new kid on the block, Buddhism.

Here in Thailand, it seems Buddha is very different to the solemn Indian one or the corpulent Chinese one.

Here, he’s a very real member of the family, and to me he seems a likeable, approachable kind of god.

It’s very touching to see the offerings. Fruit. You expect that. Bottles of coke, open, with straws inserted. I didn’t expect that. Not surprised at open coconuts, homemade sweets, thought somewhat surprised at  two open bottles of Yakult. Even gods need beneficial stomach bacteria, it seems. Probably on account of the rich diversity of food and beverages offered.

So, I’m standing in front of the shrine, hat in hand, very quietly watching this Thai lady go about her business, and I realise that packets of tea are no use to the Thai Buddha. Here, you should be more hospitable, and not expect Him to do the brewing.

I shouldn’t be taking tea to the Buddha, I should be taking tea with the Buddha. I decide I should buy us both a takeaway tea, and leave his for him on the shrine.

I wandered down the hill.

Inside the 7-11 I found an amazing product: Nestle Bear Brand Evaporated Milk flavoured with White Tea, in tiny cans. A stroke of luck. One for me, one for the Buddha, one for Mrs Devotea should she be so inclined. 11 baht each, that’s about one Aussie dollar all up. While being devout is expensive to the locals, we lucky few can shout the Buddha a drink for mere coins in our own terms. At the last minute, I remember Lady Devotea’s milk. Not much point catering to Buddha if Lady D is forced to endure creamer.

So, I wander back to the shrine.

When I arrive, the lady from the stall next door, that sells garlands of flowers – the gorgeous, bright orange marigolds and the beautiful orchids that also festoon the shrine and I have negligently failed to mention heretofore – is sweeping the shrine, and then does a bit of obeisance, a touch of incensing, a spot of candling and a great deal of ignoring the strange Australian carrying a hat and a plastic bag.

Then, a smartly dressed couple turn up on a motorbike. Whilst he sits astride it – think more Bollywood pose than Easy Rider – she jumps off and gets into a bit of worship. She’s not the homemade type – buys a garland and some candles and incense – and goes about the business of Buddha-bothering, in the usual measured and unhurried way. Meanwhile, the film star on the motorbike looks at me and wonders. I’m a little too uncomfortable to attempt to speak to him, as it’s so quiet here, at this intersection between two main roads.

It suddenly dawns on me that in three days I’ve only ever seen women on the shrine. I think it’s for women only.

Upon this realisation, I’m glad I haven’t actually attempted to take to tea with the Buddha, so I crack a can of Nestle Bear Brand Evaporated Milk with white tea, and saunter back to the hotel.

I’m going to a temple later in the week, so I decide to take my offerings there and see what transpires.

Beautiful South in my ears, lightness in my step, a bag of milk and milky tea, a glorious tropical morning and a much-lessened migraine.