Tomorrow is my birthday, and as usual, there will be world-wide celebrations and much rejoicing.
However, this year, I though I’d bestow a gift instead, to all of humanity.
There are two things that are vital for us to pass on to our children, a love of learning and a love of tea.
It’s best to teach your children some pretty basic things yourself, such as reading , writing and everything else, because education is a lottery: you might get a true virtuoso abecedarian, or you might get a halfwit that can neither spell nor understand that phrase.
And of course, you need to scorn idiots who insist you should give your children over-rated beverages like fruit juice, water or Bourbon.
So, how can we teach the kiddies reading and writing, AND a proper love of tea? Why, with my ‘Tea Alphabet for Children’, of course.
Tea Alphabet for Children
A is For Assam, to drink all day long,
B is for Billy, to brew your tea strong.
C is for Congou, made with great skill,
D is for Dian Hong, from Yunnan’s grand hills.
E is for Estate, which produces our treasure,
F is for FOP, a bright drinking pleasure.
G is for Giddephar, an estate of great clout,
H is for Herbal, which we can all do without.
I is for Infusion, that’s what we need,
J is for Jungpana, a great tea indeed.
K is for Kenya, making bags we despise,
L is for Loose Leaf, the tea plant’s true prize.
M is for Matcha, tastes a bit like seaweed
N is for Nilgiri, a strong tea, that’s agreed.
O is for Oolong, which can be spelled with a “W”
P is for Pu’er, but don’t let that trouble you.
Q is for Queen Adelaide, a fine breakfast brew
R is for Rooibos, which works quite well, too.
S is for Silver Needle, preferably from Doke,
T is for Temi addiction, which can send you broke.
U is for Uda Watte, high grown in Ceylon
V is for Victoria Sponge, have a piece, go on.
W is for White Tea, it’s lovely, complex and light,
X is for Xanthic, which describes Men Ding Hu just right.
Y is for Yellow, forgotten sixth type of tea
Z is for Zealong, from the Antipodes.
That’s it, take the kids through that twice daily, encourage them to illustrate it, and there you go. next stop PhD.
And now, I’m off to clear a space for my Nobel Prize for Literature.