Eternal Bag-Whine of the Clueless Mind

You may not know this, but a group of the world’s best tea bloggers have a secret form of communication. It’s quite like the secret Masonic handshake, except it involves Facebook messenger. Via this method, the hard-bitten core of tea bloggers have conversations that have the potential to shake the tea world to the very core. And also talk about doughnuts.

Last week, when I had gone through the various protocols that allow one access to this uber-secret society (in fact, I might take this opportunity to deny that it exists), I can across a note from one member, about a tea company and another member.

For the sake of anonymity, let’s use the code name “Nicole Martin of New Jersey, author of the “Tea For Me, Please,” blog for the member who posted about the unspecified tea company (Let’s call them “Adagio Teas”) and we’ll call the third party “Rachel Carter of I Heart Teas, Chicago”.

So, Codename Nicole was letting Codename Rachel know that Codename Adagio Teas had basically taken a photo she had posted of one of their teas and put in on Instagram uncredited, therefore effectively passing it off as their own.

adagio_bastards
Photo by Rachel Carter. Used with Permission. Instagram post by Adagio teas, used without permission and they can get stuffed.

A week later, nothing’s changed. I have just downloaded a copy from Instagram and here it is.

I have blocked out all the respondents, except the last one, where (Codename) Nicole is reminding (Codename) Adagio Teas that they have done the wrong thing. After that, there’s a comment from me saying the same thing, and a comment from (Codename) Rachel confirming the information and gently rebuking them.

What have they done about it so far? Nothing. Even when three of comments are talking about the quality of the picture and the pot: nothing.

I think, quite frankly, that (Codename) Adagio Teas either care so little about doing the right thing that they are ignoring  (Codename) Rachel, or they care so little about their Instagram followers that they haven’t noticed. Either way I won’t be drinking any of their teas anytime soon, and I’d encourage a complete boycott.

Anyway, that’s not what I am blogging about today. It’s just a 350 word introduction to a 350 word rant.

I was on the post reading the comments and got more than a little excited when I noticed this comment: “I would love the masters collection to be in bags! My problem with loose tea is that I can’t seem to measure it right. It’s always too much or too little but the adagio bags are always perfect.”

AMAZING! I have long heard stories of these creatures to whom bagged tea is the only possible way of measuring tea accurately, but never, ever come across one in it’s natural habitat.

This is the person that is often wheeled out to justify teab*gs. “yes, we have harvested it by machine, created a soulless, lifeless granular tea, packed it in bags with string and glue or staples, but hey, without it, people wouldn’t be able to measure the right amount of tea”.

Like the Yeti, Sasquatch and Brian Wilson, sane people doubt the existence of these creatures that are only ever seen by unreliable witnesses in some dark forest  somewhere: and now we’ve found one!

So, in an effort to help that poor benighted soul and coax them into the light, I’ve read all the scientific literature, and come up with an answer.

It’s a little-known product that works on the principles of leverage, volume and Newtonian physics.

It has a concave section on the end that you plunge into the loose tea. You then use the other end to lever it up. Because the concave section has a finite capacity, a set amount of tea remains in it. It is them transferred using the principal of physical movement to the brewing vessel.

It’s called ‘a teaspoon’. They are available from special shops. They are essential for those that realise that civilisation will come to an end as we know it if someone’s cup of tea is too mild or too strong.

They have been around for a while. In 1936, someone even patented one that ALREADY had the tea in it.

Just is case it’s all too hard.

 

Robert Godden

Certified Tea Nutter. Blender. Author of "The Infusiast" and Tea "Stories"

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